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Chapter Four: Knock, Knock


Finally here at the beginning of how I was awakened.


In my previous Chapters I shared about how I was connected to God and the spirit world at a very young age. Then to my teens when I decided to choose atheism that lead me towards depression along with other reasons. Then to my early adult years where I share of how I overcame my depression and my mindset behind it.

Now to the start of this whole Spiritual Journey I have been talking about and you have been waiting for. During the pandemic (Covid-19) of 2020. We were all urged to stay home, wear masks when we left the house and keep a six feet distance from everyone that came near us. which also brought on the app you all know very well, Zoom. Yup Zoom, a video call so we could still see our family members, friends and colleagues. During Christmas of 2020 my Husbands side of the family all did Christmas over zoom, it was fun but not the same. In person is always a better experience and no technical difficulty's to ruin the moments. But sometimes even over a video call your life can be positively impacted. Which had happened to me during the summer of that year. My husband and mine's business had a function on zoom, it was quiet incredible of how well they put it together since it was their first time putting together a whole function for business owners to watch it from home on their tv screens and computers, where we normaly would travel short and great distances for these functions. This was over the weekend as they all are and when Sunday came for the church service I thought maybe I would watch it. Now bear in mind that the church service is always optional and so in the past as you can imagine I never decided to go to the church service part and would attend the rest of the function later that day, but for some reason I chose to watch it. I have always thought church to be cheesy and corny that would send chills down my spine. I sat there listening to the pastor as I held my notebook in my hand waiting for some profound advice to write down. (If you can sense my sarcasm at the time)


I rolled my eyes and huffed a few times and when I look back at that in my mind I chuckle because what was I huffing about? Anyways, I kept looking to the clock waiting for it to end and came close to walking away from it but then the Pastor said these very words; "Jesus is knocking at your heart's door. I think it's time you let him in, don't you? Open the door and let him in." Instantly I felt like he was talking straight to me, as if the pastor was physically sitting in my living room and Jesus was working through him to get to me. The pastor continued to preach but all I was focused on was what stood out to me. I realized Jesus had been knocking at my hearts door for a very long time, just wanting me to let him in so he could help me and end my spiritual suffering. I knew for many years deep, deep, deep down as deep as the ocean and seas that Jesus was always there knocking and God was there always whispering but never hearing him and always pushing Jesus away from my heart, unknowingly or subconsciously. Then and song came on that was called Oceans and sang about asking the spirit to lead you where your trust is without boarders. That song really spoke to my spirit and filled me with tears and I whispered in my head, "Come in" to Jesus.


Of course just like anybody I expected to feel something right away but I didn't. All I felt was a sense of renewing about to happen in my life. I said nothing to my husband at the time as admitting that a pastor got through to me would have been too much.


I awoke the next morning and felt a change in my heart, It felt as if the hard exterior shell that I built had melted away and I knew that it was Jesus who stepped inside my heart.

From then on I began my Spiritual Awakening Journey that happened in July of 2020.




Chapter Five will be Coming Soon and is the start of sharing my journal entry's of my experiences, beliefs, mindset and struggles with changing, since 2020 till now.

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