Updated: Feb 9
Just like anyone's story it starts with their childhood.
My earliest memory was when I was two years old. Sitting up in my bed late in the night with the covers over my bent knees and up to my chest as I looked out my bedroom doorway. I called out for my mother or father as I heard footsteps in the living room, thinking it had to be one of them but it wasn't. Suddenly I saw an elderly man that was glowing green and yellowish and I could see through him. He was a spirit and I knew it. I wasn't afraid of him but I was curious of what he had wanted. He walked into my room and sat on my bed and began talking to me. Sadly all I remember hearing was gibberish, I couldn't make out what he was saying but I did see that he was smiling at me, his energy felt good and pure. He tapped me on my knee and I can still feel it today when I think of it. He smiled again and then walked up to my doorframe and then disappeared right in front of me. Apparently I had many of these visits. My parents told me that I kept running to them many nights, telling them a man was in my room. Imagine how frightened they must have felt when I first announced that. Later on I saw a picture of my great grandfather who my mother was very close with and I told my parents that, that was the man that kept visiting me. Then one day it was no more, not sure when it ended and not sure why. Maybe he got his message across and I forgot but we believe that since he passed away on the year I was born, he was just coming to see his great granddaughter to say hello.
Many people will usually disregard this memory of mine saying it was probably just a dream or a figment of my imagination but I know what I saw and it was very real. Believe what you want but this is just how my story is.
I grew up in a family who are open-minded and wanted me and brothers to choose our own beliefs and faith. We never went to church and the idea of God, Jesus and religion was not pressured on to us nor talked about much. Not because they were against it but because they are open to the endless possibilities that could be out there and for years and years and still to this day we theorize of the wonders of the universe, god and etc. Why I mention this is because when I was two I prayed to God before I would go to sleep every night. I would kneel beside my bed with my hands clasped together and I'd pray for the safety and the health for my family and expressed my gratitude towards God for giving me life. What's astounding is that I was two years old and I already believed in God without going to church, without it being talked about in my house and my grandparents never talked about it with me either. Now I'm sure we can come up with a justified reasoning but how would a two year old even know how to pray like that? I talked to God like a friend, (I hope to gain that friendship back but I have to earn his trust again as you will understand in the coming chapters.)
I also believe that those spiritual visits from my grandfather is because he was in heaven and maybe since I was a true believer at the time I could see him and talk to him. Maybe it has nothing to do with God, and we may never really know but I have always had strange connections to those who have passed in and around my life and I think it's connected in someway.
This has always made me wonder if I remembered God before I came to earth, maybe in a past life? But then quickly faded as I aged which it had. I stopped praying and when I turned thirteen I had decided to become an atheist. Why? Because I looked up to somebody that was very close to me and admired their opinion which completely threw me down a dark tunnel that would take me years to even see the light.
Reminder: That this blog and these posts are my own opinion, beliefs and journey and you don't have to apply anything that I have shared. I am just sharing what I have and am experiencing.